By nature and design the relationship between parent and child is codependent. Over the better part of 18 years parents are supposed to “able” their children to learn about life, take care of themselves and develop into healthy, functional interdependent adults. Most of the time it works just like that. Sometimes things go array. It is typically no one’s fault, but everyone’s problem.
All Articles and Information are Copyright 2008 by William Penzer, Ph.D.
When this happens adult children continue to be treated like children. They behave in ways that provoke those very reactions on the part of parents, other relatives, partners, etc. In this case codependency extends into adulthood, separation and individuation fail to fully occur and an “enabling” process feeds anxiety, addictions, low self-esteem and other serious problems. A very vicious cycle occurs hurting all parties involved.
Enabling & Codependency are as compulsive as addiciton itself!
We use the word bananas somewhat arbitrarily, as a reminder word to identify when an adult treats another adult as a child. This not only applies to parents, but also to life partners, bosses, business partners and many other relationships.
You never knew bananas
can be addictive!
Our goal is to help people via education and support get to zero bananas or as close to that as is possible, Our efforts are to help distinguish between a banana, human kindness and adult to adult efforts to be helpful and supportive. Typically there is a fine line.
Though well intended, enabling never helps and usually fuels the core problems. It digs the hole deeper while trying to pull the person out. As we all know, the concern with bananas is that it is too easy to slip on the peel.
